Wednesday, October 22, 2008

i hate thinking of pithy titles

the quagmire that is masto-med continues. I hate to say it, but there is a huge part of me that is incensed by what continues to go on because it is in many ways cruel and repetitive and drawn out (and I only know a sliver of the details being somewhat of a newcomer) but another part of me is almost amused at how bizarre things are getting.

At one point the focus was all about one person being a mean big jerk (i've been chastised for my language so I'm trying to clean it up for the kids) and then suddenly everyone started being big mean jerks and now we all suck* for various reasons (seriously, this is the cliffs notes version because I am trying really hard not to play politics because I don't know the whole story, I don't read a lot of listmail because a portion of it does not pertain to me. People I like are getting into fights, and I know that I do not like that...especially in scenarios where I like all parties involved (which again is why I am giving the goofy, inaccurate cliffs notes version of the whole debacle.)

what I want to know is, seriously, where the %$#% is our moderator? did he just jump off a cliff? is he going all nero and playing the violin while masto rome burns?

Anyway, list drama is getting tired.

And oh,hey, speaking of tired, that is pretty much my constant state lately! I am unsure if it is depression (i am dubious on that since I have experienced depression, and my depressions are extremely dark) and have had all sorts of medicinal advice thrown at me. Doxepin, Adderral, Ritalin, supplements...it's a nightmare to navigate it all. I know my attention span is shut and I like sleeping a lot.

I also dislike my psychiatrist, which is good since he isn't returning my calls anyway...so I have an appointment next week to see a new psychiatrist to discuss my mental health medical options. Doxepin supposedly has worked wonders for some masto patients as it has antihistamine elements to it. So I think I might try that along with Asprin therapy and see where I end up. If that doesn't work, then I will look at stimulants, but that's sort of like throwing paint over a crack in the wall...the crack is still there, and might get worse, it's just hidden. I'd like to get to the root cause of things if possible. Somehow I am guessing that that is a sentiment shared by oh, 100% of the masto community, or any chronic illness community.

in other news, Mastocytosis got thrown out as a differential diagnosis on House this evening. Of course it was the worst-case-scenario-the-patient-will-die-in-days differential, but it's neat (i guess) that it still made it out there. I'm honestly surprised that it hasn't gotten it's own episode as I know my diagnostic process was intense, i got tested for MS, lupus, hiv, aids, hepatitis (which was discriminatory really, since the only "symptom" i had for hepatitis was the fact I am tattooed), tertiary syphilis (what?!?), severe anxiety disorders, and i forget what else. tons of things...it was ridiculous.

So yeah. I need more energy as this fatigue is killing me. I'm finally starting to shake the side effects of the Cipro (thank goodness) so I've been walking again...but I want to run.


*me for language. however i was complimented on my writing style when i'm not being all sweartastic. so that was nice.

2 comments:

Kim said...

you didn't ask for advise...but i'll give some...with my masto, i came to terms with it, and accept there may not be a cure, i do what i can, and rest as much as i need to. i know you are young, and have much you want to accomplish. i spend much time in prayer, and not so much time talking to people. "healthy" people, don't always "get it", doctors don't know what to do....so i just trudge on. it's hard to understand, but there is a reason for everything. don't let people get to you...it's not worth it

Marcie said...

Life is #@%* with Masto. You have to keep telling yourself that no matter how the "professionals" treat you, it is a real disease. It is complicated and mysterious for the medical community as they cannot come up with a cure or rhyme and reason to treat it effectively. I too was tested for
EVERYTHING. I have lived with the correct diagnosis since age 21. I am now 44 and a fat chick, but still breathing! Hang in there, treat the symptoms and put one foot in front of the other...that's all any of us can do at this point.